Haters will Hate

I woke up this morning to a notification in my email that said I have a comment to my "I Don't Have A Plan B" blog post. I was so excited because I have never had a comment before!
I went to read it right away. It said:

"YOU are rude and obviously don't know God, Hissy Hanny".

I sat there for a minute and could not make sense of it. I scanned my post to try to see where I could have possibly been rude but I saw nothing. It took me another minute to realize that what I had read was the Response to a Comment made last month on May31st. The Comment said:

Missy MannyMay 31, 2016 at 5:04 PM

Has it occurred to that Jesus is sending you a message?

She's not your daughter.

If Jesus wanted you to adopt?

The cash would be provided.

Who are YOU to defy the Lord's will?!

I was shocked but I pondered that for a minute. I mean in my whole life nothing has felt more like I was following God's Will than this specific adoption. Honestly from the beginning I have been led and nothing has felt more like God's Will than bringing this sweet child home. When I was adopting Zoie and I was making a list of Special Needs I was comfortable with, Down Syndrome wasn't even on the list. I was sure back then that this was a Special Need that would be too much for me to handle. Then I brought Zoie home and only a few months later God told me that Daisy was my daughter and as if I had just found out I was pregnant I embraced her whole heartedly and accepted her exactly how she was. And LOVED her exactly how she was. PERFECT. In fact I loved that she had Down Syndrome, does that sound weird? All of a sudden Down Syndrome wasn't scary anymore because this was my child. It felt like pregnancy though adoption if that makes sense. I have been over the moon since!

I have a hard time understanding how someone could read my heart felt fears about the money that I had poured out for all to see and get out of it that this is not my daughter, especially since i was still in the process of the hard work of Fundraising. Someone who doesn't even know me. Someone who if they don't have anything nice to say should not say anything at all. She could have donated but she chose to be cruel instead.

Thank you 'Jo's Corner' for having my back. I can't tell you how much it means to me! Your reply to that rude comment was part of the reason I didn't even slightly take it to heart. It almost makes me happy to be so computer challenged that I had no idea I even had a comment and by the time I did you had a chance to reply. Thank You Thank You!!!!

So it's weird but now I know I will raise all the money I need. The fear is gone...I don't know but it's true. I feel this sort of very comforting peace. Faith. The kind of Faith God has wanted me to have all along but the kind of Faith I struggled with being a control freak by nature. I feel peaceful and unafraid. I have let go the "How" of it all and I have released it to him. And it had a lot to do with the Hater's Comment. Maybe everything to do with it because I have been praying for this feeling, this Faith and I know now that I have finally let him take the wheel. It is a feeling accompanied by utter exhaustion.
Exhaustion that is no doubt a result of trying to handle his business. I am SO relieved I don't have to do it ALL.

I have received a 5,000 dollar Matching Grant from Angel's In Disguise! When I raise 5,000 dollars they will match that with another 5,000. In a few short days I have already received over 200 dollars in donations!! I have only 2 more weeks, until July 5th, to raise this money and get the matching grant because then I will need to purchase our tickets to China. I have to raise about 4,700 more. My FSP needs to read 8,109.53. If you are led to you can donate here:

http://reecesrainbow.org/102812/sponsorpelc

I want you all to now how grateful and humble I am to be on this journey and to experience this absolute Miracle!
Words will never be able to express my LOVE for each and every one of you whether I know you or not. Yes and that includes the Hater. I pray that whatever raw nerve I touched in her through my post, is healed.
May God's Will Be Done!!! <3

I Don't Have a PLAN B

When I first 'knew' last August that Daisy (Nani) was my child it was quite overwhelming. Not the fact that I would welcome a new daughter into my heart and home. That was entirely too easy to embrace, but the cost that was involved in bringing her home. I knew that God had sent her and I knew I had to have Faith that somehow he would also send the money. After many conversations with him I knew I had to learn to give up control...sadly something I love, and have the kind of Faith that it takes to do this seemingly crazy thing called adopting with absolutely zero money saved up and having just completed a special needs adoption only 3 months prior.

In a strange way it was exciting not knowing how this could all come to fruition. I joined a Group full of Angels called Reece's Rainbow and couldn't keep my nose out of the many beautiful blog posts, testaments that God will indeed move mountains, especially if it was him that called you. Families starting at zero and becoming fully funded before they even had travel approval. Others being short 10,000 dollars or more with travel dates already set...then raising the entire amount they needed in less than a day. This has been my greatest source of support and encouragement.

I started to believe that this could be me as well. That was such a great feeling. But it was a feeling I have quite frequently begged God to give me back because it disappears every other day especially now as I get closer to travel and am still so far away from being fully funded. So I cry in the shower. I cry and cry and release the stress I feel constantly now just below the surface. I try to stay present and more than anything I try so hard to have Faith instead of Hope.

I wonder what happens when it is time to get airline tickets and I don't have the money to buy them. Will I have to wait? To postpone going? I don't have a Plan B. I have heard of some people traveling without being fully funded but I imagine they must have some savings or someone who can help them out 'just in case'. I don't have that. It's just me. I don't even have family hat can help as most of mine live in the Czech Republic. Mine was the only family that escaped in 1969 and my dad died 16 years ago. I am new to this area spending the last 30 years in San Diego and I know only a couple of people here. I work at home so we don't get out much. Normally I can save a little every month but since I have started this adoption all the things that can happen to suck up that extra money have, including needing to purchase a new (to me) car. I hear this is actually the norm for many.
What if I go to China without all the money I need and I am there with 3 children and no money for all the fees, mandatory donations, hotels, food and travel? Will I have to stay there until I raise it?
It's terrifying to think.

I have paid 11,000 of my fees on my own and depleted my credit cards and all the money I was able to save the first few months of the process. I have had beautiful, generous people launch fundraisers for me one after another and so many people, many of whom I don't know have seen fit to Donate to help me bring my Daisy home. My family has given all they can. I have donated to others in the process because I know that "when you need, you give." I have applied for every Grant available to single moms and as of yet I have heard nothing back. This is not unusual as Grant Organizations like to wait until right before you travel to let you know if you received a grant but for me that is pure torture. I always remind myself that nothing is as bad a living alone in an orphanage without love of a Family so I always manage to pull through these times of paralyzing fear.
Today is one of those days that are hard. A day I have to find the ultimate Faith that God wants me to learn. I AM trying so hard, even though I crumple often.

I hope this post doesn't make anyone think I am not eternally GRATEFUL for all the help with Fundraising and also all the Donations I have already received. In fact I have noticed today that my FSP and Blog have more money in them than last week. I cannot ever express how GRATEFUL I am!!! My Blog does not reflect all that I need to raise though. It is the money I need while in China but not what it will cost to get us there and back.

I just had to let this out. Please understand and thank you so much for reading.
PLEASE Pray for my sanity and that I will not lose my Faith!!
I love you ALL!!!

She Panics

My little Love. She was born in China and spent 6 whole months with her biological mother. I have to think there was huge love there. Maybe even hope of keeping her forever. I don't know what happened but after 6 months she was left on the doorstep of an orphanage. Her first huge loss.
She is such a sensitive child. She felt that loss on a cellular level. She spent a full year at the orphanage where her little spirt started to slowly diminish.
She's a Leo child.
You can't ignore a Leo child.
You can't not love a Leo child.
I know because I have 3 Leo children and one on the way.

A child born under that sign is strong, yes. And extremely sensitive. A child born under this sign likes a lot of attention. They like to be noticed and they virtually glow when they are praised. She was so sad there in the orphanage where she received nothing that a child craves, especially a Leo child. It's evident in her pictures from there. She was failing to thrive and emotionally withdrawn. She didn't walk and she didn't talk. She was a lost child. A Lioness without a Pride.
So they diagnosed her with developmental delays. Except they used the R word. Then they moved her into a Foster Home. She was 1 1/2 years old. She may not have thrived in the orphanage but it was what she knew. It was familiar. This was her second huge loss.
At her Foster home she had a foster mother a foster father and a foster sister. She did better there and she became attached to her foster mother. She learned to walk when she was 2 1/2 after almost a year there. She started to babble.

Then I went to China to get her. To bring my Darling child home to her Family. To love her forever.
This was her third huge loss and she was older now and it really stung. In her mind she already had a mother. Finally. And now she was torn away again. She was so unhappy. She cried and cried and cried and screamed. My heart broke for my little girl and it didn't help that she didn't understand a word that I said. Except 'I Love You'. But it meant nothing to her in all her pain. She would have done anything to go back. Back to what she knew. What was familiar.
I took her away. I took her home. I loved her with everything I had and I told her every day that I would love her forever and I would never ever leave her. I told we we would always be together.
But what does the word 'forever' mean to a child this young? It's just a word.

Everything was going beautifully. She was bonding with me and with her brother and she was glowing. She was happy. She would frequently say she was 'kai shing'. She learned the English language and things became better still.
Then 4 months later we went to Hawaii for a wedding and family reunion. We rented a car. It wasn't our car. We rented a hotel. It wasn't our house. It was a hotel. Just like the one we stayed in in China when she experienced her third huge loss. There were new people that got into our car and if she lost sight of me even for a second she panicked. She totally freaked. She woke up every night with terrors and would cry and cry. I quickly realized my little girl thought she would be leaving her her mama yet again. No amount of talking would make her understand. I had to stay close. She was glued to my hip and as long as she was, she was fine. Just don't put her in her car seat and get out of the car for ANY reason. Instant Panic. The freaking out kind. The kind that stems from a memory on a cellular level. She was sure this would be another 'pass off'.

Then we flew back home and things got back to normal. A few months later we met a friend north of Seattle to go to the zoo. I was in the car with her and Ziggy when my friend got in as well. She Panicked. She was sure this was it. The relief when she realized that I wasn't leaving. Or did she even realize it? I don't know, but I didn't leave her side. Then we drove home without my friend and it was fine.

She has been home a full year ow and can speak fluent English. We went to the creek recently and met a mother with 2 kids. We played all day and then packed it up to go home. The other mother was parked next to us and opened up the back of her SUV to dry off her kids. Ziggy got in too just to sit. Zoie wanted to get in too. I put her in. Then I walked to our car to put our things away. And she Panicked. She had been so brave to get in and I had walked away. I felt horrible for her. I held her and told her that I would never ever leave her. Not ever. Then we went home and it was fine.

I think about China and going back for Daisy. It is obvious I cannot leave Zoie. No amount of saving money is worth that kind of anguish. She may very well never fully recover from the panic she would experience. It is not an option.
But then I think about when we are there. The memories that will flood her little brain and all the cells in her little tiny body. Will she think I'm trading her in? Will she think she will have to stay? Same sort of hotel. Same sort of van and driver. Same sort of experience, only for someone else. I Pray she doesn't experience that severe anxiety. I plan to glue her to my hip the entire time. It will help so much having her brother there who doesn't experience the same feelings as she does. He is a calming force for her. In many ways he is her rock.
We talk about China every day. We will travel in 2 short months. She talks about her sister Daisy and all the things she will help her learn and all the toys she will play with her. She is visibly excited but mostly I think she is mimicking Ziggy, who really gets it.

And then I think that this experience of going to China to bring her sister home, once it's over, will solidify in her on a cellular level, that I will never leave her and she is home for good.
Forever and ever. This is my Prayer.

Moving To Tears

I would love to say that there isn't much that moves me to tears and then then tell you how I have been moved but it simply wouldn't be true. I am moved to tears like every other hour. But lately, the last 6 months or so most of my tears are adoption related.
I cry when I look at my Ziggy and Zoie playing or arguing over who's turn it is because I know if they weren't home where they would be. And they are sooo happy at home. I cry when I think of how I had to meet Ziggy and then leave him for 4 months hoping he wouldn't hate me for it and how hard those 4 months were for me. They were so hard.
I cry when I think of how we waited for little bit Zoie for 8 1/2 years and how I really thought sometimes that the day would never come. I cry when I see she is finally home and she couldn't be anyone else's daughter.
I cry when I think of my sweet Daisy and how alone she is and how she has no idea how much her life will change soon. I cry when I think of how excited we all are to hold her and love her and tell her that she matters.
I cry when I fill out applications for grants because I am yet again picked apart spread out on a sheet for everyone to see. Every application is like applying for an adoption all over again. And I cry because it is so hard for me to ask for help. I cry because I'm so grateful for it. I cry because I would rather be the one donating to someone else's adoption. So I do because when you want you give. I cry because I have to do so many things on the computer and I find it all so confusing.
I cry because sometimes I feel defeated and so far away from China and my Heart.
I cry every time I get a donation or someone orders from my fundraisers.
I cry when someone in my adoption group has found their child or is getting ready to travel. I cry because I know how that feels. Tears is the only place to move. It is overwhelming. It is love.
I cry when someone is trying so hard to raise money and it happens right before my eyes. I cry because I feel the depth of that. It's not about the 5 or 10 dollars because we all have 5 or 10 dollars. No. It's about that thing there are no words for. Like a Faith of knowing that we alone can make an impact but we in numbers can make a huge difference. It's that thing of just doing it without the story that you'll be the only one so it won't make any difference. Without thinking.
I cried yesterday. Big surprise there!
I cried because a beautiful girl named LeeAnna that I have met through facebook who studied in Ghana with my daughter Rosie years ago posted our adoption story on her facebook and it was so genuine and so warm the things that she said. I cried again 4 hours later when we saw I had received almost 500 dollars in donations and I cried again this morning when I saw the number was past 1000 dollars! Just because she decided to shout out for us. I am so humbled and so grateful!
It makes me speechless to be on the receiving end of this love. To winess this miracle of a village.
Thank you for posting! Thank you for sharing! Thank you for donating!
It moves me to tears.

Please know how Grateful we are for all the love and support we have received!
This is such an awesome adventure and it is so great to share it with you all!!

UPDATE!!!

I have received my LSC (Letter Seeking Confirmation)!!!!
Here I thought I was waiting for my LOA (Letter Of Arrival)!
My third adoption and I know nothing!
This is GREAT news because now I know I can travel in 2-3 months for sure! It came much faster than it has for others lately. Same with my USCIS approval, getting me on the timeline I begged God for so I could bring Daisy home before our Family Reunion! I am Over The Moon!!! Now Please Pray for us to receive the remaining Funds that we need!  We have a ways to go.
We will get there I know it!!! heart emoticon
Thank you to ALL my friends and also all the people I don't know that saw fit to contribute to this beautiful adventure. I honestly cannot do this without my village and I am forever Grateful!!

Usborne Fundraiser!

Let's support the Pelc Family Adoption! 

Join me on Tuesday, April 26, at 8:00 PM (PST) for a fast, fun, and interactive LIVE Usborne Books & More party, on Facebook.

Kami Janes will be your consultant leading the party, sharing Usborne's award-winning books with you, answering your questions, and helping with personalized recommendations for your bookworms, too!

Every guest who joins this party before Sunday morning, April 24, will be entered to win a giveaway prize of reimbursed shipping costs from their book order! Additionally, there will be a free book giveaway at the end of our party, with entries earned by commenting on event posts. By the way, it will be so easy to earn giveaway entries because these books are hard NOT to talk about!

I'm looking forward to "seeing" you at the party where 25% of all party sales will be added to the Pelc Family Sponsorship Page grant. If you'd like to check out the online shop before the event, check it out here:

https://y4776.myubam.com/274471

(If the link doesn't work, please cut and paste it into your URL.)

If books aren't your thing, but supporting adoption is, please consider making a tax-deductible donation to the Pelc Family Sponsorship Page through Reece's Rainbow: http://reecesrainbow.org/102812/sponsorpelc

The giveaway contests begin today, April 20 and go through party closing on Monday, April 30, at 11:59 PM (MST).

Daisy's 1st Party

Be sure to visit Daisy's 1st Pampered Chef Party!

This is a pampered chef fundraiser for Daisy!

https://pamperedchef.com/go/Daisys1stparty

Facebook Event: 

https://www.facebook.com/events/756300377838969/ 

A Leap Of Faith. Blind Faith.

A Leap Of Faith. Blind Faith.

I've taken some leaps before in my life but there has never been a leap quite like this.
It's the hardest thing for me...not to know how something will happen. And when exactly it will happen. To have very little control. The only thing I CAN control is my Faith and how big that is. Honestly I still go back and forth. I don't go back and forth about the Love for my child. Or the fact that I know she is coming home. I loved Daisy the moment I saw her, a full year before I even knew she was my child and I would bring her home to us.
No...I go back and forth about the money. Will it all find it's way to me? One day I panic. I cry. Like the kind of ugly gutteral ( is that a word?) sobbing. It just happens and once it starts there is just no stopping it. I repeat my argument with God. The same argument I had when he first revealed I would be going back to China. 35,000 dollars. Really? That is a years wage for many.

Then the next day I am full of Faith and Confidence. I had a sobbing day just recently and then last night a beautiful woman threw me a Party to help me Fundraise for Daisy.
Daisy's 1st Party. It is called Pampered Chef and sells all kinds of amazing kitchen gadgets. She just did it for me. I never met her. She is so full of Love. I had never done anything like this Party and I was a bit nervous that I wouldn't do a good job...not that I even really understood what I should do but she made it so easy. I had the time of my life and realized I am a bit competitive when we were playing games on there! Who knew?
Another beautiful woman launched another Fundraiser for me selling Candles and other household items. Yep...never met her either. She just wanted to help me and she is so full of Love. Yet another launched a Tupperware Fundraiser for me. I felt so lifted and so cared for. So cared about. I don't know if any one of these Beauties know just how much it means to me to have their support.
All of a sudden I felt like I could do it. Like I could reach this huge goal. I didn't feel so alone and I knew there were people out there that wanted to see my Daisy come home as much as I did.
I feel the same way every time I get a donation. Sometimes they come from where I least expect them because I know these people don't have very much 'extra' money but here they are, donating what they can. They also believe that every little bit helps because it adds up. Every bit helps as much as the next. It brings me to my knees every time.

All my life I have been so independent. I can do it all and I can do it all by myself. I will come to you if you need anything and I will do whatever I can to help you. I will do it for you, buy it for you and I'll even send you a check. Nothing has ever given me more pleasure, aside from my children, than being able to give. To perform random acts of kindness as many as I can and as often as I can.
I have gotten different reactions from people regarding this part of my personality.
Honestly most people think I have an ulterior motive. But not the one that I have which is completely selfish in that I get the biggest 'high' from doing these things and it seriously makes me SO happy. It's addicting! No...they seem to think I want something. I don't. Well I do. I want that feeling of joy and happiness that I get. But nothing else. It always confuses me why people would think that is so strange. Don't we all keep doing what we are addicted to? That's what addiction is!

Yeah...it is HARD for me to ask for help. UGH
But I have to admit I have also always liked a challenge. And the unknown to an extent.
It is SO exciting to witness how God is slowly but surely making this happen.

Please know how much your Love and Support means to me!! To me AND my kids.
As a single mom it can be a bit challenging sometimes but your Love and Support and especially your Prayers makes ALL the difference in this Amazing Journey to Daisy!!!
Thank you ALL with ALL of my Heart!!!

CandleLite Fundraiser!

*** CandleLite Fundraiser ***

Last day to order is April 24. 

1. Please go to http://www.partylite.biz/sites/kathyrice 
2. In the upper right hand corner it will say 'Find Your Party Host'
3. Click that and enter Starr Pelc so that she gets credit for your order!

Candles make great gifts for Mother's Day!

This month's specials are 

Buy Any Jar Candle, get another of the same type 50% off. 

(Must be same type, but can be different scent).

Also, 

Any Catalog Item is 40% off with every $50 purchase!

(Discounted items not included). 

Items will be sent directly to you. 

UPDATE on Our Journey To Miss Daisy!!

We are awaiting out LOA!!!! Letter Of Arrival.
We should have it this month or next. After that we will officially be in the Planning Travel Stage and will hopefully travel in July or August. I am definitely Praying for July because we have a Family Reunion planned the 2nd week in August!!! I know...it's all my fault. Even after adopting twice already I have not a clue as to how this all works and the timing of it all. I thought we would be traveling this month or next. God knows what he is doing though and I don't know how we would have been able to go this month or next. I am a single mom and have raised nowhere near the money I need. I have no family that is able to help me financially. I started out needing 34,000 dollars for this adoption. I have been able to pay 10,000 dollars of my fees and Daisy comes with a 2,000 grant through RR. As in true adoption form I had 10,000 on a credit card I could have used if I didn't raise all the money but I have just had to use that to get us a new (to us) car. I am grateful though that for a hefty fee the dealership let me put the whole thing on my card. But that leaves no more money available in case I don't raise the rest of the money I need so I HAVE TO raise all the rest.
I still need to raise 22,000 dollars!!!
I am also applying for Grants, selling things I don't need, making small donations to other families that are getting ready to travel, had a Tupperware Fundraiser (kind of a bust) and soon I will be making headbands I hope to sell. It is hard for a Single Mom to raise so much money in such a short time but I know some way somehow I will bring My Daisy Home!!!

Please consider Donating to our FSP. All Donations are tax deductible and ANY amount will help get us to our goal. Maybe you have always wanted to help bring a child home and I am providing you with the Perfect Opportunity!!! This is a wonderful way to see what your Donations can do!!
If you can't Donate Please Pray for Us. Pray for Daisy and SHARE my FSP with your friends. We really need the village on this one!!! We need all the help we can get.

Thank you SO much to everyone who is following our Journey with Prayer and/or Donations!!!
We couldn't do this without you!!! We Truly appreciate you ALL!!!
Much Love and Many Blessings!!

Chocolate Muffin

His name was Yared and he was 6 months old when I first saw his little face.

Yared means "sent from Heaven" but of course it does because I had asked my late husband to send me the cutest baby in all of Ethiopia and I would name the baby after him and would call him Ziggy. My husbands was born Zigfreid in Germany and then adopted and his name changed to Steve. 10 years later on the anniversary of his death, on January 11, 2011, I received a picture of my son and he was the cutest baby in all of Ethiopia!

I got the phone call first and literally fell on the floor sobbing as if I'd just given birth. It felt the same. The release, the exhaustion, the relief, the love. I forgot I was on the phone.

I met him when he was 10 months old. He was sitting on the floor in the toddler room at a Transition Home in Addis Ababa. This is where they bring the children from an orphanage after they are matched with their parents until they can come home. He was sitting there looking solemn and I walked in and sat directly in front of him. I had told myself I had to stay calm so I wouldn't scare the little guy. I did pretty good. We looked at each other and I put my arms out to him. He reached for me and I scooped him up and we hugged. He hugged me so tight. He knew I was his mama. He knew it. I could feel it in that moment and he still has that uncanny sense of 'knowing' now almost 5 years later. I pulled away to get a good look at his beautiful face and he slapped me. Then he started to cry as if to say "what has taken you so long?" It was a life changing moment in my life.
I couldn't wrap my heart around the fact that I had to love him like only a mother could for a full week and then leave him for an unknown number of months before I could finally bring him home. But I wouldn't think about that now. I was so in love.

We spent the whole week playing and getting to know each other but it was honestly like we always had. He was strong and smart and he was starting to walk around the furniture right on track. I gave him his bottles and his little naps and then I would give him back to the nannies at night so his schedule wouldn't get ruined..I knew I had to leave him. How would I possibly do that? How could I? But I had no choice. Would he forgive me? Would he resent me? I couldn't explain it to him. I couldn't make him understand that the reason one trip had recently turned into two was because many a family had gone to pick up their child after the Ethiopian Government basically attended court for them and adopted the child for them so they would only have to travel once for a week to bring them home, had rejected their child once they met them. So the Ethiopian Government decided that parents need to come and attend court themselves...meet the child and adopt them on the first trip, leave them for ? months and then come again to get their VISAS and bring them home. It was heart wrenching.

During the next few months Ethiopian Adoptions slowed from 100 a month to 10 and 1000 children already adopted by their parents and waiting on the second trip would likely stay stuck for years because of the 'slow down'. Until it was determined that children weren't being 'stolen' for adoption. It was the hardest 4 months I ever spent. Luckily the powers that be allowed the 'stuck' children to go home and 4 months later I was back in Ethiopia with my boy in my arms. He remembered me! He didn't resent me! He was so happy to see me! I couldn't believe the trust of this precious child!

He had spent the last 4 months in a stroller with nothing to do. He couldn't walk around furniture anymore. His legs had grown weak. Children that are starting to get mobile are harder to watch and can get into more trouble so they are confined to a stroller for the day and their bed at night. We brought  gates for each of the toddler rooms in hopes that they could be installed and give the children more mobility. I don't know if they got installed.

He never stopped smiling. He knew he was home. He started talking right away. Of course we didn't understand a word for several year but that didn't stop him. It wasn't Amheric or English but more of a language all his own. He just wanted to be heard. He would start talking at 6am and he didn't stop until 6pm when he went to bed. He had so much to say. It's like he was thinking out loud.

He is still that way now, 5 years later except now he is full of 'facts' about animals or machines or pretty much anything. He has the memory of an elephant and at 3 years old could recite an entire book literally word for word, a book we read every night for a month before bed and then didn't read for several weeks. Not a 'baby' book though. A book with each page filled with words from top to bottom. I still can't believe he had done that at 3. I got it on video.

Ziggy Lion is so smart. He loves learning anything and everything. He is starting to read and write all on his own. Because he wants to. He will be 6 this July and wants to go to kindergarden so bad. i have to let him go. He is a social butterfly this one.

When he found out we were finally going to bring his sister home from China he was beside himself. He talked about her day and night and carried her picture around. He loved her. In China she was not a fan of me but she loved Ziggy right away. He is so good with her and she has learned so much from him. They are best friends. He is so good with her and dotes on her constantly. He tells on her and then when she is in 'trouble' for it he tells me how she didn't really mean it.

When I told him we were bringing home another sister he was over the moon excited. This was 5 months ago and not a day goes by that he doesn't talk about her and how we will bring her home. He worries if she has enough to eat. He wants to bring home ALL the girls from China he said!

There has never been a more loving, compassionate and grateful child. At least every hour he wraps his arms around me and tells me he loves me so much. That is at least 12 times a day. He appreciates everything I do and he tells me so. Especially when I prepare food!

God broke the mold with this Treasure. What a wonderful gift of a Big Brother both of my little girls will have.

Remember how I said he 'knew' things? We had just come home from China with Zoie Love last year and I was DONE adopting. I had my two and the process was hard and it was expensive and I had no money. I was very content. He said one day "My grandfather in China told me we are going back to China". Hmmm. It was months before I knew I would adopt again. Like 5 months after he said that!

But Seriously...after this I am DONE. <3

REGARDING ZOIE

THIS is what Adoption can do. THIS is what it's done for this child. THIS is why I have adopted twice and I am going in for a third. Full speed ahead.

I want to tell you about my little Zoie Love Mi. Isn't that the name to beat all names?!!
I had named her Zoie when I first started her adoption in the Fall of 2006. It means 'life' and seemed so very appropriate. I gave her the middle name Love while I was waiting for her referral in 2014.
Her second middle name would be whatever her Chinese name would be.
To be honest I was waiting for a referral of a child missing an ear or a limb or something similar to that. Then I got this random referral for a child not missing any body parts. They weren't supposed to do that...send me random referrals like that. It was just too heartbreaking for me to say no.
But of course I had to look. I opened the file of this child that was supposedly mentally and developmentally delayed.
I recognized her immediately. She was my child!! What confirmed it to me was her Chinese name.
Mi. Zoie Love Mi. LOL. Seriously though I couldn't have planned that better. I was in Love.

We were prepared for the worst of course because what does delayed really mean? It could be severe or not. We had no idea but I knew she could bond because her report said she was close to her foster mother. That was all I really cared about. She had experienced failure to thrive in the orphanage where she spent a full year from the time she was abandoned at 6 months old. So thankfully they moved her into a foster home where she finally learned to walk at age 2 1/2.

We met Zoie in the 'room' and she was not a fan. She screamed and clawed for at least an hour but I didn't let her go. I wanted her to know that this was no mistake. I was the one she could count on from this moment forward and I would accept and love her exactly how she was, screaming and clawing included. Oh how happy she was when she finally calmed down and I passed her off to her older brother and sisters. She loved them so much. Partly because they weren't me.

She warmed up to me though and by the third day when I took her shopping for food and put her in the cart I was the real maMA. She pointed to everything she wanted.
She is fascinated and obsessed with food. Especially bread and meat. I can relate.

I have much experience with children and have run my own Childcare/Preschool for more than 17 years. I know delayed and I know sharp. She was not delayed. Well at least not to the extent that that diagnoses suggested. She was delayed because she lived in an Orphanage for much of her young life. She was delayed because she had definitely not been taught many things and experienced even less but that was all I saw. There was nothing slow about this child.
So the experiences began.

I have to mention that she has an amazing adopted brother, Ziggy, who I brought home at 14 months old from Ethiopia. He is a very unique individual. I really have NEVER met any child quite like him.
I will tell you about Ziggy in another post but Ziggy is a big huge reason why my Zoie may very well start college at age 16 like her older sister.
Zoie loves to do everything that Ziggy does. She can't always of course because she is 2 years younger and there are things a 5 year old has earned the right to do that a 3 year old just hasn't but for the most part she doesn't miss a thing. It started in China when she didn't want to brush her teeth. So I told Ziggy to open wide and started brushing his. Well needless to say she couldn't wait for her turn at that.

After we got home she payed very close attention to everything Ziggy. He just turned 5 last summer and was learning how to read and write. Of course now Zoie is starting to write too.
I am NOT kidding.
Let me back up a little.

When Zoie came home she was almost 3 years old. She knew no English and had just learned to walk so she was not yet running. It was more like a half trot and she tried so hard. She was completely flat footed. As a board. But she was potty trained. Even overnight.
That was last May 2015.

Now it is March 2016. Zoie  is just over 3 1/2 years old and has been home just over 10 months.

She is fluent in English and pronounces her words better than Ziggy did at age 4 after 3 years home.
She dresses and undresses herself including socks and shoes.
She knows ALL her colors.
She knows ALL her ABCs both upper and lower case.
She knows what sound each letter makes. EVERY ONE.
She knows how to write both the upper case and lower case of about 1/2 the ABCs and and the others when guided.
She can sing the ABC song and Twinkle Star too.
She can recognize ALL her numbers up to 10.
She can count to 10 by herself.
She takes apart and puts together puzzles designed for a 4-6 year old with a speed I have never seen.
She LOVES to play the 'matching game'.
She is running now, albeit a bit tippie-toed but it's like REAL running!! This is good news because she so badly wants to keep up with Ziggy.
And she has arches in both her feet!! YES. REAL arches. Her flat feet are gone!! I have NEVER seen anything like it in my life. I thought kind of thing was permanent. Maybe they are sometimes flat from lack of walking on them. I don't really know.
My late husband had very flat feet but he had them all his life. He had been severely malnourished and then adopted at about 6 months old from Germany.
Zoie is a great big helper. ANYTHING I am doing she wants to help me. ANYTHING. And this includes getting the toilet paper for me when I am going potty. Yes I am not kidding.
She is a born Nurturer.

She loves to cook and she loves to eat even more.
Because of both the kids' obsession with cooked food and food in general about 70% of our diet is in the form of fruits and vegetables. And these are mostly RAW. This way I can give them as much as they want to eat without fear for their health or weight. She especially loves to graze. There have been days where she will finish her breakfast smoothie (1/2 the blender filled with greens and 1/2 filled with fruit and then water, maybe a splash of juice) and graze on peanuts that she peels by herself for the next couple of hours until lunch. She just takes her time and she feels in complete control. She loves to do that.
She is starting to leave food on her plate when she is full. Cooked food which she especially loves. That is a VERY good sign.
She is starting to trust that she will always have food to eat and enough of it too. Trusting.
Today while we were grocery shopping she ate several stalks of Kale from the bunches I bought for our salad. Just plain. And she just loved it. She does the same with Spinach. She loves her greens.
Her body absolutely CRAVES them.

Zoie is bonded. She loves her brother and she loves her mama. She loves her Babi and he Aunties and she loves her older brothers and sisters and Skype days are a highlight of her week.
She is such a Light. She is such a Love.
We don't know how we ever got along without this girl.
God has truly blessed me over and over.
I am Truly One Blessed Mama!!

A STORY

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful wrinkled up old woman named Starr. She loved children so all her life she did everything she could to surround herself with all the children she could. She had many of her own children that came through her but were not hers (Jason Mraz said so) and she also cared for many children of other mothers. She always taught them that they were beautiful and needed to fly out into the world to spread their goodness and light upon it so everyone could benefit from their love and light. And they listened...and they flew...and then she was all alone and wrinkled up because (I forgot to add that the daddy died) they had listened. But she was SO proud of them and happy for them because how could she keep them all to herself when the world needed their beauty and love and light...?

So she went across the world to Ethiopia and she found a magical motherless child and she brought him home to her breast and she loved him and taught him that he was beautiful and that he needed to fly out into the world and spread his goodness and light. And then she went across the ocean to China and found a most beautiful outcast princess who's light no one else saw. But SHE saw it and she brought her home to her breast and she loved her and taught her that she was beautiful and that she needed to fly out into the world and spread her goodness and light even though she knew that one day she would end up alone because they had all listened.
But they didn't forget her.
Sequel:
The beautiful wrinkled up old woman was happy, yes she was. She had a blessed life and she was surrounded by her beautiful children and so much Love but across the ocean in China there was a little discarded and very lonely starfish and she didn't have a blessed life and she wasn't surrounded by Love. That's when the old woman knew that this child belonged with her as well. Bringing this starfish home would be difficult but the old woman had Faith that when things are meant to be they will always come to fruition. She knew she had to work very hard but she was not afraid of hard work, she thrived on it. And so she worked hard and the weeks passed and then months. Sometimes she became very tired but never discouraged and she knew she would never give up. Looking at starfish's picture gave her strength and she kept working and she would think of starfish every day and send her so much Love. She promised her that soon it would be time and she would fly across the ocean to China and scoop her up and bring her home to her breast and teach her that she was beautiful and she was worthy and that it didn't matter if she ever flew out into the world to spread her love and light because she spread her love and light upon everyone that she met and she changed lives with her very presence. She promised her that she always had a home with the beautiful wrinkled up old woman and she would always be so very Loved and forever cherished.

It is the 22nd of February and we are inching along. Two weeks ago I was approved by USCIS and today my Dossier was sent to China. That means we will be able to travel in 4-5 months. I always try to will it to be sooner but apparently there is still much to do. So we continue to dream of our little Daisy imagining meeting her and loving her. Imagining her here with us enjoying our times together. Adoption is so hard...but it is SO absolutely worth it. Worth it all.

I was thinking today about the day we met our little Zoie Love. It was last year in April. April 19th.
I had sent pictures for her foster mother to show her so she would recognize us. That never happened unfortunately so when we met Zoie she had no idea who we were.

Because of her age I was prepared for either greeting. I had watched enough children and adoption videos to know that at 2 1/2 and coming from a foster home it was likely that Zoie wouldn't run into my arms. 
We went to the 'meeting' room and it wasn't even 3:30 yet but all the other three parents were already in the room holding their children. We were outside the open doors no cameras ready because until that moment I thought we'd go in and wait as they then brought our children in. Never was there a parent arriving late in the videos. Anyway I imagine that when they saw us out there they told her to run in the hallway and go see maMA. Well of course she ran out there expecting her foster mother (OMG she looked so cute and big and all excited) and I scooped her up and she was not a fan.
If I passed her to anyone at that point she would think mistake had been made and then we'd relive the same thing and worse when I took her again, so hard as it was I held her as she screamed and hit me and over again.
Until we signed papers and she stopped. An hour later minutes later I think.
Luckily 3 of my older kids and my good friend were with me and she went to them all as long as it wasn't me smile emoticonbut I'm a big fan of feeling your feelings.  My little girl. My little Love. She had never even seen a picture of me.heart emoticon Poor sweet little thing.heart emoticon
For three days I did all the mama things but she would willingly go only to everyone else in the family...until I took her shopping and put her in the cart. That was all it took!!! I was buying food!!!
Then I was the real maMA. hahahaha
We had even started calling me mommy instead of maMA so I could have my own name for her but she started calling me maMA (heavy accent on the second ma) pretty soon after that. And now she randomly tells me she loves me in Chinese. heart emoticonShe is such a wonderful daughter. She is going to be such a great sister to Daisy. I love my girl <3

Today I woke up to a Real Update on my little LOVE!!!
Daisy is walking now and I am so proud of her and more in love than EVER!
I didn't think it was possible. I cannot wait to hold my little girl!!

Where am I in the Process?

I am so happy to say that our Home Study is complete and we are now waiting for USCIS approval. This can take anywhere from 2 to 3 months from what I hear and they received my stuff about a week ago. Within 2 weeks I will get my 'eightieth' fingerprint appointment (because my fingerprints have changed) and then I'll wait again.
Baby steps. Not my timing.

Today I got a long awaited update on my little Daisy. Unfortunately it is 2 1/2 years old so I guess I don't know much more than I did before. The pictures were all the same ones I already have too :(
I imagine she's tiny for a 3 year old. I was so hoping to get some measurements and updated pictures.
But that's the way it is in the adoption world. You get what you get and there are never any guarantees.

Ziggy gets up every morning and starts talking about Daisy. Zoie is really getting into it too and likes to show people her picture. We think about her all the time as if she were already here. And she is, if only in our Hearts.
Missing her.

Daisy Faith...She Was Always My Child

An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but will never break."
--An ancient Chinese belief

I know this to be true, although there are at least three different ways I believe your child can come to you through adoption that I have personally experienced.

One way, as I experienced with my Ziggy, is you pick a gender and the age range you are comfortable with and then you wait. Your agency is on the lookout for your child and when they feel like they have found a child that would be a good fit for your family they send you the referral. You can decline of course if you don't 'feel' anything but I'm not sure how many 'chances' you get. This is the 'healthy' track. It's a bit more like giving birth in the sense that you don't ever see a face until they are yours. That was really easy for me to embrace. It was amazing actually. Easy.

I thought at the time it was the only way I personally could do it. After all I thought, how could you look at all those pictures like in a SN adoption and 'pick' just one? They are ALL deserving of love and a family to call their own and I didn't think I could just 'pick'. Yes, when you are adopting a Special Needs child you you look at pictures. You look at so many pictures and you read the stories. Your Heart breaks for these precious needy motherless children. It has to be this way I suppose because people want you to be sure you can handle a certain need, even handle the way it may 'look'. 

I started on the 'healthy' track with Zoie as well, all those years ago. Then in 2013 when I woke up one morning and 'knew' all of a sudden that she was a SN child I was a bit nervous about how I would find her. How could I 'pick'? How I would find MY child? How I would 'know' it was Zoie?

I picked my age range and gender along with the two needs I was comfortable with. I knew I couldn't 'pick' so I resolved that I would accept the very first referral my agency sent me as long as she had one of the needs I had picked. tHAT would be my child. Sort of the same way Ziggy came. Then I waited. I would browse the photo listing of Waiting Children while I was waiting knowing very well I would never 'pick' but I couldn't stop looking. I suppose it was a way to pass the time. Then my agency started sending me random referrals of children that had different needs than I had picked and it made me so uncomfortable to reject them that I asked them to stop sending me random referrals and to wait until they had MY child.

So they stopped. Until about a month or two later. Then they sent another random referral. I honestly thought 'of all the nerve'. But I had to look. Of course I had to look.

She didn't have the needs I had picked but I RECOGNIZED her. That is what I call 'child recognition'. You can't explain it, you just 'know'. It was so Godly.

This is how I met my sweet Daisy:

Remember when I said I was browsing the Photo listing of waiting Children just to pass the time while I was waiting for Zoie back in 2014? Well there was this little tiny peanut I saw that found her way into my heart. I thought at the time that it was just because she was SO cute. I knew she wasn't Zoie because she had Down Syndrome and that need wasn't even on my list. Of course they are ALL cute, but there was just something about 'Dakota'.

Two months home with Zoie I thought about her. I decided to check on her and see if she'd been scooped up...but there she still was. I couldn't believe it because how could no one pick her? I thought the poor little thing to be on this list for so long just waiting for love.

I didn't realize at the time that the first time I had seen her was the first time my agency had her file and could post her picture in the listing. I didn't know that my agency could only have her file for 3 months and then she would go to another agency for 3 months and so on and so on. The limit per agency to have a file was 3 months. A one time thing. I didn't know at the time that the second time I saw her after being home only 2 months with Zoie was because my agency had her completely by 'accident'. Someone had picked her file not realizing they had had her the previous year. And that was right when I checked on her again. Coincidence? I don't think so.

She had been passed around through several agencies that year I was working hard to bring Zoie home. Many parents were interested enough in her to request her file and have it reviewed by a Doctor but every single time they all rejected her. I 'knew' it was because she was MY child. I 'knew' then that she was waiting for ME.

But wait...I was done. I had my two perfect children and I never wanted to go through this grueling process again. I even named Ziggy and Zoie with a Z signifying the end of my procreation so to speak. I wasn't even home two months and we all needed time to settle, to mesh together. To adjust. I couldn't start this process again with all that is required while we weren't even settled yet. This was too much too soon, wasn't it?

I made a list of all the reasons this was just NOT a good idea at the top of which was not having 34,000 dollars but I had many other reasons as well. Zoie would be jealous and blah blah blah. I talked to God. I argued with him.  'What are you thinking'? I asked. It seemed the more I argued the more settled this sweet child became in my heart. And then she was just not going anywhere.

I started the process with the same agency that helped me bring Ziggy and Zoie home. I put her picture up on the mantle.  I told the kids they were getting a new sister and Ziggy for one has talked about her every single day since then. He said we should adopt ALL the sisters from China. C'mon kid. 

I found out I could reuse my Dossier of Zoie and save lots of money. Someone else told me about Grants. I never knew there were people willing to help fund adoptions. I had paid for my first two adoptions virtually on my own and I liked it that way. It was very hard Fundraising and asking for money to help with Zoie's travel costs and although many friends helped me out it wasn't all that successful. Besides I like to be the giver.

Zoie showed me a most nurturing side of herself through other children and all her dolls. I could see that God was eliminating my list of 'why nots' one by one. 

Then I reminded my agency that I needed a waiver for my age. I was too old now. Too old to adopt someone so young from China. They were sorry they said but it would not be possible to adopt Daisy. China was not granting waivers any longer. Gutted. I asked them to advocate. They sent an email to China. China said no. Gutted. I insisted they try again. They said they did (I have my doubts) and that China said no again. That was it they said. STOP bothering us about this.

Crying. Grieving. Wrenching.

At my 6 month Post Placement visit I shared Daisy with my Social Worker. I cried. He suggested I talk with his boss who was my Home Study agency. They were also an Adoption Agency. Who knew? So I emailed her but to be honest I had no hope. But just like God revealed to me that Daisy was my child he brought me to this woman. She is a WARRIOR! Who Knew?

Within 2 weeks she had my waiver sent directly from the CCCWA in China and written in Chinese and English both! This Woman. This perfect Angel. I wasn't too old. HA

Sweet Daisy Faith who started out being named Daisy Starr because we have matching scars along the front of our chests. Never have I done anything as seemingly crazy as this, jumping in with both feet, nose unplugged, not knowing how to swim, having Faith that God will lead me where I am supposed to go just as he led me to this precious child, showing me how to float and not give in to the rapids. I have doubts like every other hour. I cry quite often. I get scared about the money. I don't have it. I can max out my credit cards but then those payments. And the fees for cash advances and all the money that I need to bring in crispy hundreds. You can't put those fees on a credit card. It is overwhelming sometimes. But I keep coming back to having Faith. Daisy's new and forever name because it is just way too fitting. I come back to Faith that God will provide. After all I mean, so far so good. I have always had everything I needed. My life is a legacy of this. How could I stop believing now? And he has brought me to ALL my children via this invisible thread.

I know I had to learn a deeper Faith. I am doing that. I am trying. Money is such an illusion and yet I need an amount equal to an average person's yearly income. It's actually incredible to think about. But yeah, Faith. It's a very powerful thing. It's not knowing.

It's not knowing but believing anyway. When I'm not afraid it feels like an incredible adventure. Fear is so YUCK. I will pick Faith.

Daisy Faith Xuan You are LOVED. You WILL come home!

Reflections on this Life and the Many Miracles

Sometimes it just amazes me how life takes these twists and turns and you end up somewhere you never even considered before. I am there now, at a turning point in my life and as I sit and reflect on the path that took me here I am more than a little bit in Awe of it all.

Let me back up a little.
Since I was a teenager I have been pondering the meaning of it all. I mean, what is the Purpose of this life we have been given? Certainly it can't be to just live and die. Or just pay taxes and die as I have seen posted many times now on facebook. But something much bigger.
But what was it?
What was my Purpose?
I had a child at 20. It's a BOY!!!! and I knew I was meant to be a mother.
I had always dreamed of that as a child.
To be a mother and a teacher and now I was both.
Six years later I had another child. It's a GIRL!!!! How blessed was I?
Then six years after that I had TWINS!!!! It's a GIRL and a BOY!!!! Holy Cow life couldn't be any better and I couldn't be richer. This was the meaning of my life. Or rather, this gave my life meaning. I knew it. It was my Purpose.

Still I had that nagging though. Was that all?
Don't get me wrong. Having and raising my children was the most rewarding thing I had ever done. Ever imagined doing. Children are the best teachers and mine have filled me up.
But I had a nagging feeling that there was so much more. But what was it?

Not long after that I started to do childcare for some of my friends. I had a passion for teaching the young and my friends felt it. They trusted me with their precious children and maybe they will never know just what that meant to me. I opened my own Childcare/Preschool and taught children, through play, everything they needed to know before they entered Kindergarden. My own children were proof in the pudding so to speak that I was doing something right and other people really began to take notice. I did offer something that other childcare and preschool facilities didn't though.
I loved ALL the children in my care. Yes as if they were my own. I think that made a huge difference. After all how could a chiId spend 10 hours a day somewhere, not being loved, not being kissed, not being hugged and not being told how amazing they are? I knew I couldn't waste this precious time. They were only this young for 'so' long and I wanted to make a difference.

Then my best friend died. Yes, he had been ill for much of his young life but that he would die never entered my mind. Perhaps it couldn't. I am very sensitive and had I known this I'm not sure how I would have coped. I lost him and my children lost their dad. It was gutting to say the least.
I am sure I didn't cope all that well. I did learn well how to shove it all down as no one wants a crying mother/teacher, and only at night after everyone was asleep did I allow the flood gates to open. And boy did they run. It worked for me.

Years went by and I thought to myself I would never be able to stop that flood. Time made nothing easier. It was merely that much longer that I didn't have my best friend. That much more that I missed him. Would I ever be alright? Would I ever feel as rich as I once did?
One day when my oldest daughter was home on break from college she randomly said "Mom you should adopt a little girl from China" "She's going to be a Leo" she said. It was God coming through this child to help move me in the direction of my next path. I know this because as soon as she said it I knew I would do it. I knew this was my new path. An even bigger Purpose.
We ran downstairs to the computer and immediately got started. Something so heavy simply lifted off of me and I felt so happy. Really happy.

I had only 3 months to complete my Home Study and submit my Dossier as China was changing all their rules. Just give ME a challenge! I was logged in 3 days early!
I thought it was a 14 month wait but that changed along with all the new rules. Because I didn't know anything (truly NOTHING) about the computer I didn't realize that the wait, specifically for me was going to be 10 years. I was on the healthy track because I felt that was what was right for me at the time. I had such a demanding schedule running my Preschool and whenever I took a day off 8 other families had to do the same. I felt that it wasn't fair to bring a child home that may have serious medical needs and expect all my clients to go along with that uncertain schedule. So I waited.

Three years went by and I learned the computer!! Well, I learned how to turn it on and scroll the wall on facebook and how to write emails. Haha but that was a lot for me!
It's then that I  realized that I would be waiting quite a long time for my little girl. I would check in with God every year and I would ask if she was maybe SN but he always said to keep waiting.
Now I know why. She wasn't even born yet!!!
I decided to bring her brother home. With my bio kids getting older I didn't want her to be raised as an only child. I was led to Ethiopia. I asked my husband to send me the cutest baby in all of Ethiopia. I knew he could see everything from where he was. He had been adopted from Germany as Zigfreid. His parents then changed his name to Steve. I told him I would name the boy after him and call him Ziggy. Ten years after Steve died, on the exact day of his death I got a referral for the cutest baby in all of Ethiopia. His name was Yared. You guessed it, it means 'sent from Heaven'!!! and what a way to change a sad day into a happy one! God truly does work in mysterious ways.
Little Ziggy Lion Yared came home in September 2011 and we were overjoyed!!
The wait for Zoie continued. Yes I had named my faceless child Zoie Love and whatever her Chinese name would be.

A couple of years went by and I was working so hard. I got to be with Ziggy all day because I ran my Preschool out of my house but the one on one was just not there as much as I wanted it to be.
I decided to sell my house and I ended up in Washington. Now I could continue childcare but on a much smaller scale and spend the time with Ziggy that I knew he needed. The hardest thing was leaving my older kids. Yes they were off to college and working and had their own places to live, had their own lives but it was hard for me. It still is truth be told. But hey, I had taught them to follow their dreams and fly out into the word. Apparently they had been listening.

I thought I would wait here for my 'healthy' Zoie. I had a few more years to go, but before I was even unpacked I woke up one morning with what I can only call a very Urgent message. Zoie was ready o come home, she was SN after all (well now I had more time to devote) and I was to reopen my adoption case.
So I did. To be honest I was a little scared of the SN label. I wasn't sure I was capable let alone worthy to care for a child with SN. So I picked the needs that didn't seem like 'real' needs to me. Microtia, missing or malformed limbs. Stuff like that. Easy stuff. I was sure that Zoie had one of those. I even had a dream that she had one of those needs and told my agency to stop sending me random referrals for children with more serious needs because every time I rejected them I felt horrible. I cried a lot. I cried for all the children. But I wanted MY child. The one missing some part of her body. So my agency stopped sending me random referrals. Now I felt ignored and alone.
I was just waiting. But the alternative was too hard. So I kept waiting.
Then one day a couple of months later I got another random referral. Of all the nerve.
Of course I had to look. How could I not? I prepared myself. Stay neutral, this is not your child.
It said in the email she was developmentally delayed. I knew what that meant. She wasn't missing an ear or even a limb. Then I opened the file and saw her face.

I stared a bit I admit. She was so familiar. I knew that face somehow. Still I remained unattached.
Just read about her I told myself. Don't attach. So I read. She was a Leo. Her name was Mi. What???
Zoie Love Mi? I can't explain it. I knew she was my child. Any fear I had about developmental delay disappeared. I forwarded the email to my oldest daughter in Australia. I didn't add anything. I just wanted to know what she thought without my input. She called me right away. She 'knew' as well that this was her sister! It was confirmed and God's hands were all over this! of course. Haha.
Just like every other Miracle in my life. As far as her development we were prepared for the worst. Her file said she didn't speak, and she had just learned to walk at 2 1/2 thanks to the mother in the foster care home she had been transferred to at 1 1/2 after experiencing failure to thrive in the orphanage. We brought sweet Zoie home at the end of April 2015.
She was almost 3.

Now 8 months home and 3 1/2 years old Zoie is fluent in English, talking even better than her brother Ziggy did at 4 years old. She is smart as a whip and I find myself thinking if she is delayed then what am I?
Misdiagnoses does happen. On the other hand it is amazing what a difference a little bit of love and food can make in a child's life. Ok change that to a LOT of love and Tons of food!!! HA
I have been so blessed and those blessings just keep on comin'.
I realize now that my whole life God had led me, to train and prepare me for the Miracles that are now coming into my life. All this would have been so overwhelming when I was 20 years old.
Now I am 54 and I know that I need every bit of experience and expertise that I have under my belt.
My Purpose keeps on getting Bigger and I am ready for Anything!!!