Missing Daisy

Missing Daisy
Ziggy and Zoie loving their sister

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

I Don't Have a PLAN B

When I first 'knew' last August that Daisy (Nani) was my child it was quite overwhelming. Not the fact that I would welcome a new daughter into my heart and home. That was entirely too easy to embrace, but the cost that was involved in bringing her home. I knew that God had sent her and I knew I had to have Faith that somehow he would also send the money. After many conversations with him I knew I had to learn to give up control...sadly something I love, and have the kind of Faith that it takes to do this seemingly crazy thing called adopting with absolutely zero money saved up and having just completed a special needs adoption only 3 months prior.

In a strange way it was exciting not knowing how this could all come to fruition. I joined a Group full of Angels called Reece's Rainbow and couldn't keep my nose out of the many beautiful blog posts, testaments that God will indeed move mountains, especially if it was him that called you. Families starting at zero and becoming fully funded before they even had travel approval. Others being short 10,000 dollars or more with travel dates already set...then raising the entire amount they needed in less than a day. This has been my greatest source of support and encouragement.

I started to believe that this could be me as well. That was such a great feeling. But it was a feeling I have quite frequently begged God to give me back because it disappears every other day especially now as I get closer to travel and am still so far away from being fully funded. So I cry in the shower. I cry and cry and release the stress I feel constantly now just below the surface. I try to stay present and more than anything I try so hard to have Faith instead of Hope.

I wonder what happens when it is time to get airline tickets and I don't have the money to buy them. Will I have to wait? To postpone going? I don't have a Plan B. I have heard of some people traveling without being fully funded but I imagine they must have some savings or someone who can help them out 'just in case'. I don't have that. It's just me. I don't even have family hat can help as most of mine live in the Czech Republic. Mine was the only family that escaped in 1969 and my dad died 16 years ago. I am new to this area spending the last 30 years in San Diego and I know only a couple of people here. I work at home so we don't get out much. Normally I can save a little every month but since I have started this adoption all the things that can happen to suck up that extra money have, including needing to purchase a new (to me) car. I hear this is actually the norm for many.
What if I go to China without all the money I need and I am there with 3 children and no money for all the fees, mandatory donations, hotels, food and travel? Will I have to stay there until I raise it?
It's terrifying to think.

I have paid 11,000 of my fees on my own and depleted my credit cards and all the money I was able to save the first few months of the process. I have had beautiful, generous people launch fundraisers for me one after another and so many people, many of whom I don't know have seen fit to Donate to help me bring my Daisy home. My family has given all they can. I have donated to others in the process because I know that "when you need, you give." I have applied for every Grant available to single moms and as of yet I have heard nothing back. This is not unusual as Grant Organizations like to wait until right before you travel to let you know if you received a grant but for me that is pure torture. I always remind myself that nothing is as bad a living alone in an orphanage without love of a Family so I always manage to pull through these times of paralyzing fear.
Today is one of those days that are hard. A day I have to find the ultimate Faith that God wants me to learn. I AM trying so hard, even though I crumple often.

I hope this post doesn't make anyone think I am not eternally GRATEFUL for all the help with Fundraising and also all the Donations I have already received. In fact I have noticed today that my FSP and Blog have more money in them than last week. I cannot ever express how GRATEFUL I am!!! My Blog does not reflect all that I need to raise though. It is the money I need while in China but not what it will cost to get us there and back.

I just had to let this out. Please understand and thank you so much for reading.
PLEASE Pray for my sanity and that I will not lose my Faith!!
I love you ALL!!!




3 comments:

  1. Has it occurred to that Jesus is sending you a message?

    She's not your daughter.

    If Jesus wanted you to adopt?

    The cash would be provided.

    Who are YOU to defy the Lord's will?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YOU are rude and obviously don't know God, Hissy Hanny.

      Delete
  2. I've seen several families use Gobena coffee as a fundraiser. https://www.gobena.org/ You get a percentage of the sales used on your specific link and I think it's easy to set up. Good luck to you and don't lose faith.

    ReplyDelete