Sometimes it just amazes me how life takes these twists and turns and you end up somewhere you never even considered before. I am there now, at a turning point in my life and as I sit and reflect on the path that took me here I am more than a little bit in Awe of it all.
Let me back up a little.
Since I was a teenager I have been pondering the meaning of it all. I mean, what is the Purpose of this life we have been given? Certainly it can't be to just live and die. Or just pay taxes and die as I have seen posted many times now on facebook. But something much bigger.
But what was it?
What was my Purpose?
I had a child at 20. It's a BOY!!!! and I knew I was meant to be a mother.
I had always dreamed of that as a child.
To be a mother and a teacher and now I was both.
Six years later I had another child. It's a GIRL!!!! How blessed was I?
Then six years after that I had TWINS!!!! It's a GIRL and a BOY!!!! Holy Cow life couldn't be any better and I couldn't be richer. This was the meaning of my life. Or rather, this gave my life meaning. I knew it. It was my Purpose.
Still I had that nagging though. Was that all?
Don't get me wrong. Having and raising my children was the most rewarding thing I had ever done. Ever imagined doing. Children are the best teachers and mine have filled me up.
But I had a nagging feeling that there was so much more. But what was it?
Not long after that I started to do childcare for some of my friends. I had a passion for teaching the young and my friends felt it. They trusted me with their precious children and maybe they will never know just what that meant to me. I opened my own Childcare/Preschool and taught children, through play, everything they needed to know before they entered Kindergarden. My own children were proof in the pudding so to speak that I was doing something right and other people really began to take notice. I did offer something that other childcare and preschool facilities didn't though.
I loved ALL the children in my care. Yes as if they were my own. I think that made a huge difference. After all how could a chiId spend 10 hours a day somewhere, not being loved, not being kissed, not being hugged and not being told how amazing they are? I knew I couldn't waste this precious time. They were only this young for 'so' long and I wanted to make a difference.
Then my best friend died. Yes, he had been ill for much of his young life but that he would die never entered my mind. Perhaps it couldn't. I am very sensitive and had I known this I'm not sure how I would have coped. I lost him and my children lost their dad. It was gutting to say the least.
I am sure I didn't cope all that well. I did learn well how to shove it all down as no one wants a crying mother/teacher, and only at night after everyone was asleep did I allow the flood gates to open. And boy did they run. It worked for me.
Years went by and I thought to myself I would never be able to stop that flood. Time made nothing easier. It was merely that much longer that I didn't have my best friend. That much more that I missed him. Would I ever be alright? Would I ever feel as rich as I once did?
One day when my oldest daughter was home on break from college she randomly said "Mom you should adopt a little girl from China" "She's going to be a Leo" she said. It was God coming through this child to help move me in the direction of my next path. I know this because as soon as she said it I knew I would do it. I knew this was my new path. An even bigger Purpose.
We ran downstairs to the computer and immediately got started. Something so heavy simply lifted off of me and I felt so happy. Really happy.
I had only 3 months to complete my Home Study and submit my Dossier as China was changing all their rules. Just give ME a challenge! I was logged in 3 days early!
I thought it was a 14 month wait but that changed along with all the new rules. Because I didn't know anything (truly NOTHING) about the computer I didn't realize that the wait, specifically for me was going to be 10 years. I was on the healthy track because I felt that was what was right for me at the time. I had such a demanding schedule running my Preschool and whenever I took a day off 8 other families had to do the same. I felt that it wasn't fair to bring a child home that may have serious medical needs and expect all my clients to go along with that uncertain schedule. So I waited.
Three years went by and I learned the computer!! Well, I learned how to turn it on and scroll the wall on facebook and how to write emails. Haha but that was a lot for me!
It's then that I realized that I would be waiting quite a long time for my little girl. I would check in with God every year and I would ask if she was maybe SN but he always said to keep waiting.
Now I know why. She wasn't even born yet!!!
I decided to bring her brother home. With my bio kids getting older I didn't want her to be raised as an only child. I was led to Ethiopia. I asked my husband to send me the cutest baby in all of Ethiopia. I knew he could see everything from where he was. He had been adopted from Germany as Zigfreid. His parents then changed his name to Steve. I told him I would name the boy after him and call him Ziggy. Ten years after Steve died, on the exact day of his death I got a referral for the cutest baby in all of Ethiopia. His name was Yared. You guessed it, it means 'sent from Heaven'!!! and what a way to change a sad day into a happy one! God truly does work in mysterious ways.
Little Ziggy Lion Yared came home in September 2011 and we were overjoyed!!
The wait for Zoie continued. Yes I had named my faceless child Zoie Love and whatever her Chinese name would be.
A couple of years went by and I was working so hard. I got to be with Ziggy all day because I ran my Preschool out of my house but the one on one was just not there as much as I wanted it to be.
I decided to sell my house and I ended up in Washington. Now I could continue childcare but on a much smaller scale and spend the time with Ziggy that I knew he needed. The hardest thing was leaving my older kids. Yes they were off to college and working and had their own places to live, had their own lives but it was hard for me. It still is truth be told. But hey, I had taught them to follow their dreams and fly out into the word. Apparently they had been listening.
I thought I would wait here for my 'healthy' Zoie. I had a few more years to go, but before I was even unpacked I woke up one morning with what I can only call a very Urgent message. Zoie was ready o come home, she was SN after all (well now I had more time to devote) and I was to reopen my adoption case.
So I did. To be honest I was a little scared of the SN label. I wasn't sure I was capable let alone worthy to care for a child with SN. So I picked the needs that didn't seem like 'real' needs to me. Microtia, missing or malformed limbs. Stuff like that. Easy stuff. I was sure that Zoie had one of those. I even had a dream that she had one of those needs and told my agency to stop sending me random referrals for children with more serious needs because every time I rejected them I felt horrible. I cried a lot. I cried for all the children. But I wanted MY child. The one missing some part of her body. So my agency stopped sending me random referrals. Now I felt ignored and alone.
I was just waiting. But the alternative was too hard. So I kept waiting.
Then one day a couple of months later I got another random referral. Of all the nerve.
Of course I had to look. How could I not? I prepared myself. Stay neutral, this is not your child.
It said in the email she was developmentally delayed. I knew what that meant. She wasn't missing an ear or even a limb. Then I opened the file and saw her face.
I stared a bit I admit. She was so familiar. I knew that face somehow. Still I remained unattached.
Just read about her I told myself. Don't attach. So I read. She was a Leo. Her name was Mi. What???
Zoie Love Mi? I can't explain it. I knew she was my child. Any fear I had about developmental delay disappeared. I forwarded the email to my oldest daughter in Australia. I didn't add anything. I just wanted to know what she thought without my input. She called me right away. She 'knew' as well that this was her sister! It was confirmed and God's hands were all over this! of course. Haha.
Just like every other Miracle in my life. As far as her development we were prepared for the worst. Her file said she didn't speak, and she had just learned to walk at 2 1/2 thanks to the mother in the foster care home she had been transferred to at 1 1/2 after experiencing failure to thrive in the orphanage. We brought sweet Zoie home at the end of April 2015.
She was almost 3.
Now 8 months home and 3 1/2 years old Zoie is fluent in English, talking even better than her brother Ziggy did at 4 years old. She is smart as a whip and I find myself thinking if she is delayed then what am I?
Misdiagnoses does happen. On the other hand it is amazing what a difference a little bit of love and food can make in a child's life. Ok change that to a LOT of love and Tons of food!!! HA
I have been so blessed and those blessings just keep on comin'.
I realize now that my whole life God had led me, to train and prepare me for the Miracles that are now coming into my life. All this would have been so overwhelming when I was 20 years old.
Now I am 54 and I know that I need every bit of experience and expertise that I have under my belt.
My Purpose keeps on getting Bigger and I am ready for Anything!!!
Let me back up a little.
Since I was a teenager I have been pondering the meaning of it all. I mean, what is the Purpose of this life we have been given? Certainly it can't be to just live and die. Or just pay taxes and die as I have seen posted many times now on facebook. But something much bigger.
But what was it?
What was my Purpose?
I had a child at 20. It's a BOY!!!! and I knew I was meant to be a mother.
I had always dreamed of that as a child.
To be a mother and a teacher and now I was both.
Six years later I had another child. It's a GIRL!!!! How blessed was I?
Then six years after that I had TWINS!!!! It's a GIRL and a BOY!!!! Holy Cow life couldn't be any better and I couldn't be richer. This was the meaning of my life. Or rather, this gave my life meaning. I knew it. It was my Purpose.
Still I had that nagging though. Was that all?
Don't get me wrong. Having and raising my children was the most rewarding thing I had ever done. Ever imagined doing. Children are the best teachers and mine have filled me up.
But I had a nagging feeling that there was so much more. But what was it?
Not long after that I started to do childcare for some of my friends. I had a passion for teaching the young and my friends felt it. They trusted me with their precious children and maybe they will never know just what that meant to me. I opened my own Childcare/Preschool and taught children, through play, everything they needed to know before they entered Kindergarden. My own children were proof in the pudding so to speak that I was doing something right and other people really began to take notice. I did offer something that other childcare and preschool facilities didn't though.
I loved ALL the children in my care. Yes as if they were my own. I think that made a huge difference. After all how could a chiId spend 10 hours a day somewhere, not being loved, not being kissed, not being hugged and not being told how amazing they are? I knew I couldn't waste this precious time. They were only this young for 'so' long and I wanted to make a difference.
Then my best friend died. Yes, he had been ill for much of his young life but that he would die never entered my mind. Perhaps it couldn't. I am very sensitive and had I known this I'm not sure how I would have coped. I lost him and my children lost their dad. It was gutting to say the least.
I am sure I didn't cope all that well. I did learn well how to shove it all down as no one wants a crying mother/teacher, and only at night after everyone was asleep did I allow the flood gates to open. And boy did they run. It worked for me.
Years went by and I thought to myself I would never be able to stop that flood. Time made nothing easier. It was merely that much longer that I didn't have my best friend. That much more that I missed him. Would I ever be alright? Would I ever feel as rich as I once did?
One day when my oldest daughter was home on break from college she randomly said "Mom you should adopt a little girl from China" "She's going to be a Leo" she said. It was God coming through this child to help move me in the direction of my next path. I know this because as soon as she said it I knew I would do it. I knew this was my new path. An even bigger Purpose.
We ran downstairs to the computer and immediately got started. Something so heavy simply lifted off of me and I felt so happy. Really happy.
I had only 3 months to complete my Home Study and submit my Dossier as China was changing all their rules. Just give ME a challenge! I was logged in 3 days early!
I thought it was a 14 month wait but that changed along with all the new rules. Because I didn't know anything (truly NOTHING) about the computer I didn't realize that the wait, specifically for me was going to be 10 years. I was on the healthy track because I felt that was what was right for me at the time. I had such a demanding schedule running my Preschool and whenever I took a day off 8 other families had to do the same. I felt that it wasn't fair to bring a child home that may have serious medical needs and expect all my clients to go along with that uncertain schedule. So I waited.
Three years went by and I learned the computer!! Well, I learned how to turn it on and scroll the wall on facebook and how to write emails. Haha but that was a lot for me!
It's then that I realized that I would be waiting quite a long time for my little girl. I would check in with God every year and I would ask if she was maybe SN but he always said to keep waiting.
Now I know why. She wasn't even born yet!!!
I decided to bring her brother home. With my bio kids getting older I didn't want her to be raised as an only child. I was led to Ethiopia. I asked my husband to send me the cutest baby in all of Ethiopia. I knew he could see everything from where he was. He had been adopted from Germany as Zigfreid. His parents then changed his name to Steve. I told him I would name the boy after him and call him Ziggy. Ten years after Steve died, on the exact day of his death I got a referral for the cutest baby in all of Ethiopia. His name was Yared. You guessed it, it means 'sent from Heaven'!!! and what a way to change a sad day into a happy one! God truly does work in mysterious ways.
Little Ziggy Lion Yared came home in September 2011 and we were overjoyed!!
The wait for Zoie continued. Yes I had named my faceless child Zoie Love and whatever her Chinese name would be.
A couple of years went by and I was working so hard. I got to be with Ziggy all day because I ran my Preschool out of my house but the one on one was just not there as much as I wanted it to be.
I decided to sell my house and I ended up in Washington. Now I could continue childcare but on a much smaller scale and spend the time with Ziggy that I knew he needed. The hardest thing was leaving my older kids. Yes they were off to college and working and had their own places to live, had their own lives but it was hard for me. It still is truth be told. But hey, I had taught them to follow their dreams and fly out into the word. Apparently they had been listening.
I thought I would wait here for my 'healthy' Zoie. I had a few more years to go, but before I was even unpacked I woke up one morning with what I can only call a very Urgent message. Zoie was ready o come home, she was SN after all (well now I had more time to devote) and I was to reopen my adoption case.
So I did. To be honest I was a little scared of the SN label. I wasn't sure I was capable let alone worthy to care for a child with SN. So I picked the needs that didn't seem like 'real' needs to me. Microtia, missing or malformed limbs. Stuff like that. Easy stuff. I was sure that Zoie had one of those. I even had a dream that she had one of those needs and told my agency to stop sending me random referrals for children with more serious needs because every time I rejected them I felt horrible. I cried a lot. I cried for all the children. But I wanted MY child. The one missing some part of her body. So my agency stopped sending me random referrals. Now I felt ignored and alone.
I was just waiting. But the alternative was too hard. So I kept waiting.
Then one day a couple of months later I got another random referral. Of all the nerve.
Of course I had to look. How could I not? I prepared myself. Stay neutral, this is not your child.
It said in the email she was developmentally delayed. I knew what that meant. She wasn't missing an ear or even a limb. Then I opened the file and saw her face.
I stared a bit I admit. She was so familiar. I knew that face somehow. Still I remained unattached.
Just read about her I told myself. Don't attach. So I read. She was a Leo. Her name was Mi. What???
Zoie Love Mi? I can't explain it. I knew she was my child. Any fear I had about developmental delay disappeared. I forwarded the email to my oldest daughter in Australia. I didn't add anything. I just wanted to know what she thought without my input. She called me right away. She 'knew' as well that this was her sister! It was confirmed and God's hands were all over this! of course. Haha.
Just like every other Miracle in my life. As far as her development we were prepared for the worst. Her file said she didn't speak, and she had just learned to walk at 2 1/2 thanks to the mother in the foster care home she had been transferred to at 1 1/2 after experiencing failure to thrive in the orphanage. We brought sweet Zoie home at the end of April 2015.
She was almost 3.
Now 8 months home and 3 1/2 years old Zoie is fluent in English, talking even better than her brother Ziggy did at 4 years old. She is smart as a whip and I find myself thinking if she is delayed then what am I?
Misdiagnoses does happen. On the other hand it is amazing what a difference a little bit of love and food can make in a child's life. Ok change that to a LOT of love and Tons of food!!! HA
I have been so blessed and those blessings just keep on comin'.
I realize now that my whole life God had led me, to train and prepare me for the Miracles that are now coming into my life. All this would have been so overwhelming when I was 20 years old.
Now I am 54 and I know that I need every bit of experience and expertise that I have under my belt.
My Purpose keeps on getting Bigger and I am ready for Anything!!!
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