An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but will never break."
--An ancient Chinese belief
--An ancient Chinese belief
I know this to be true, although there are at least three different ways I believe your child can come to you through adoption that I have personally experienced.
One way, as I experienced with my Ziggy, is you pick a gender and the age range you are comfortable with and then you wait. Your agency is on the lookout for your child and when they feel like they have found a child that would be a good fit for your family they send you the referral. You can decline of course if you don't 'feel' anything but I'm not sure how many 'chances' you get. This is the 'healthy' track. It's a bit more like giving birth in the sense that you don't ever see a face until they are yours. That was really easy for me to embrace. It was amazing actually. Easy.
I thought at the time it was the only way I personally could do it. After all I thought, how could you look at all those pictures like in a SN adoption and 'pick' just one? They are ALL deserving of love and a family to call their own and I didn't think I could just 'pick'. Yes, when you are adopting a Special Needs child you you look at pictures. You look at so many pictures and you read the stories. Your Heart breaks for these precious needy motherless children. It has to be this way I suppose because people want you to be sure you can handle a certain need, even handle the way it may 'look'.
I started on the 'healthy' track with Zoie as well, all those years ago. Then in 2013 when I woke up one morning and 'knew' all of a sudden that she was a SN child I was a bit nervous about how I would find her. How could I 'pick'? How I would find MY child? How I would 'know' it was Zoie?
I picked my age range and gender along with the two needs I was comfortable with. I knew I couldn't 'pick' so I resolved that I would accept the very first referral my agency sent me as long as she had one of the needs I had picked. tHAT would be my child. Sort of the same way Ziggy came. Then I waited. I would browse the photo listing of Waiting Children while I was waiting knowing very well I would never 'pick' but I couldn't stop looking. I suppose it was a way to pass the time. Then my agency started sending me random referrals of children that had different needs than I had picked and it made me so uncomfortable to reject them that I asked them to stop sending me random referrals and to wait until they had MY child.
So they stopped. Until about a month or two later. Then they sent another random referral. I honestly thought 'of all the nerve'. But I had to look. Of course I had to look.
She didn't have the needs I had picked but I RECOGNIZED her. That is what I call 'child recognition'. You can't explain it, you just 'know'. It was so Godly.
This is how I met my sweet Daisy:
Remember when I said I was browsing the Photo listing of waiting Children just to pass the time while I was waiting for Zoie back in 2014? Well there was this little tiny peanut I saw that found her way into my heart. I thought at the time that it was just because she was SO cute. I knew she wasn't Zoie because she had Down Syndrome and that need wasn't even on my list. Of course they are ALL cute, but there was just something about 'Dakota'.
Two months home with Zoie I thought about her. I decided to check on her and see if she'd been scooped up...but there she still was. I couldn't believe it because how could no one pick her? I thought the poor little thing to be on this list for so long just waiting for love.
I didn't realize at the time that the first time I had seen her was the first time my agency had her file and could post her picture in the listing. I didn't know that my agency could only have her file for 3 months and then she would go to another agency for 3 months and so on and so on. The limit per agency to have a file was 3 months. A one time thing. I didn't know at the time that the second time I saw her after being home only 2 months with Zoie was because my agency had her completely by 'accident'. Someone had picked her file not realizing they had had her the previous year. And that was right when I checked on her again. Coincidence? I don't think so.
She had been passed around through several agencies that year I was working hard to bring Zoie home. Many parents were interested enough in her to request her file and have it reviewed by a Doctor but every single time they all rejected her. I 'knew' it was because she was MY child. I 'knew' then that she was waiting for ME.
But wait...I was done. I had my two perfect children and I never wanted to go through this grueling process again. I even named Ziggy and Zoie with a Z signifying the end of my procreation so to speak. I wasn't even home two months and we all needed time to settle, to mesh together. To adjust. I couldn't start this process again with all that is required while we weren't even settled yet. This was too much too soon, wasn't it?
I made a list of all the reasons this was just NOT a good idea at the top of which was not having 34,000 dollars but I had many other reasons as well. Zoie would be jealous and blah blah blah. I talked to God. I argued with him. 'What are you thinking'? I asked. It seemed the more I argued the more settled this sweet child became in my heart. And then she was just not going anywhere.
I started the process with the same agency that helped me bring Ziggy and Zoie home. I put her picture up on the mantle. I told the kids they were getting a new sister and Ziggy for one has talked about her every single day since then. He said we should adopt ALL the sisters from China. C'mon kid.
I found out I could reuse my Dossier of Zoie and save lots of money. Someone else told me about Grants. I never knew there were people willing to help fund adoptions. I had paid for my first two adoptions virtually on my own and I liked it that way. It was very hard Fundraising and asking for money to help with Zoie's travel costs and although many friends helped me out it wasn't all that successful. Besides I like to be the giver.
Zoie showed me a most nurturing side of herself through other children and all her dolls. I could see that God was eliminating my list of 'why nots' one by one.
Then I reminded my agency that I needed a waiver for my age. I was too old now. Too old to adopt someone so young from China. They were sorry they said but it would not be possible to adopt Daisy. China was not granting waivers any longer. Gutted. I asked them to advocate. They sent an email to China. China said no. Gutted. I insisted they try again. They said they did (I have my doubts) and that China said no again. That was it they said. STOP bothering us about this.
Crying. Grieving. Wrenching.
At my 6 month Post Placement visit I shared Daisy with my Social Worker. I cried. He suggested I talk with his boss who was my Home Study agency. They were also an Adoption Agency. Who knew? So I emailed her but to be honest I had no hope. But just like God revealed to me that Daisy was my child he brought me to this woman. She is a WARRIOR! Who Knew?
Within 2 weeks she had my waiver sent directly from the CCCWA in China and written in Chinese and English both! This Woman. This perfect Angel. I wasn't too old. HA
Sweet Daisy Faith who started out being named Daisy Starr because we have matching scars along the front of our chests. Never have I done anything as seemingly crazy as this, jumping in with both feet, nose unplugged, not knowing how to swim, having Faith that God will lead me where I am supposed to go just as he led me to this precious child, showing me how to float and not give in to the rapids. I have doubts like every other hour. I cry quite often. I get scared about the money. I don't have it. I can max out my credit cards but then those payments. And the fees for cash advances and all the money that I need to bring in crispy hundreds. You can't put those fees on a credit card. It is overwhelming sometimes. But I keep coming back to having Faith. Daisy's new and forever name because it is just way too fitting. I come back to Faith that God will provide. After all I mean, so far so good. I have always had everything I needed. My life is a legacy of this. How could I stop believing now? And he has brought me to ALL my children via this invisible thread.
I know I had to learn a deeper Faith. I am doing that. I am trying. Money is such an illusion and yet I need an amount equal to an average person's yearly income. It's actually incredible to think about. But yeah, Faith. It's a very powerful thing. It's not knowing.
It's not knowing but believing anyway. When I'm not afraid it feels like an incredible adventure. Fear is so YUCK. I will pick Faith.
Daisy Faith Xuan You are LOVED. You WILL come home!
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