Haters will Hate

I woke up this morning to a notification in my email that said I have a comment to my "I Don't Have A Plan B" blog post. I was so excited because I have never had a comment before!
I went to read it right away. It said:

"YOU are rude and obviously don't know God, Hissy Hanny".

I sat there for a minute and could not make sense of it. I scanned my post to try to see where I could have possibly been rude but I saw nothing. It took me another minute to realize that what I had read was the Response to a Comment made last month on May31st. The Comment said:

Missy MannyMay 31, 2016 at 5:04 PM

Has it occurred to that Jesus is sending you a message?

She's not your daughter.

If Jesus wanted you to adopt?

The cash would be provided.

Who are YOU to defy the Lord's will?!

I was shocked but I pondered that for a minute. I mean in my whole life nothing has felt more like I was following God's Will than this specific adoption. Honestly from the beginning I have been led and nothing has felt more like God's Will than bringing this sweet child home. When I was adopting Zoie and I was making a list of Special Needs I was comfortable with, Down Syndrome wasn't even on the list. I was sure back then that this was a Special Need that would be too much for me to handle. Then I brought Zoie home and only a few months later God told me that Daisy was my daughter and as if I had just found out I was pregnant I embraced her whole heartedly and accepted her exactly how she was. And LOVED her exactly how she was. PERFECT. In fact I loved that she had Down Syndrome, does that sound weird? All of a sudden Down Syndrome wasn't scary anymore because this was my child. It felt like pregnancy though adoption if that makes sense. I have been over the moon since!

I have a hard time understanding how someone could read my heart felt fears about the money that I had poured out for all to see and get out of it that this is not my daughter, especially since i was still in the process of the hard work of Fundraising. Someone who doesn't even know me. Someone who if they don't have anything nice to say should not say anything at all. She could have donated but she chose to be cruel instead.

Thank you 'Jo's Corner' for having my back. I can't tell you how much it means to me! Your reply to that rude comment was part of the reason I didn't even slightly take it to heart. It almost makes me happy to be so computer challenged that I had no idea I even had a comment and by the time I did you had a chance to reply. Thank You Thank You!!!!

So it's weird but now I know I will raise all the money I need. The fear is gone...I don't know but it's true. I feel this sort of very comforting peace. Faith. The kind of Faith God has wanted me to have all along but the kind of Faith I struggled with being a control freak by nature. I feel peaceful and unafraid. I have let go the "How" of it all and I have released it to him. And it had a lot to do with the Hater's Comment. Maybe everything to do with it because I have been praying for this feeling, this Faith and I know now that I have finally let him take the wheel. It is a feeling accompanied by utter exhaustion.
Exhaustion that is no doubt a result of trying to handle his business. I am SO relieved I don't have to do it ALL.

I have received a 5,000 dollar Matching Grant from Angel's In Disguise! When I raise 5,000 dollars they will match that with another 5,000. In a few short days I have already received over 200 dollars in donations!! I have only 2 more weeks, until July 5th, to raise this money and get the matching grant because then I will need to purchase our tickets to China. I have to raise about 4,700 more. My FSP needs to read 8,109.53. If you are led to you can donate here:

http://reecesrainbow.org/102812/sponsorpelc

I want you all to now how grateful and humble I am to be on this journey and to experience this absolute Miracle!
Words will never be able to express my LOVE for each and every one of you whether I know you or not. Yes and that includes the Hater. I pray that whatever raw nerve I touched in her through my post, is healed.
May God's Will Be Done!!! <3

I Don't Have a PLAN B

When I first 'knew' last August that Daisy (Nani) was my child it was quite overwhelming. Not the fact that I would welcome a new daughter into my heart and home. That was entirely too easy to embrace, but the cost that was involved in bringing her home. I knew that God had sent her and I knew I had to have Faith that somehow he would also send the money. After many conversations with him I knew I had to learn to give up control...sadly something I love, and have the kind of Faith that it takes to do this seemingly crazy thing called adopting with absolutely zero money saved up and having just completed a special needs adoption only 3 months prior.

In a strange way it was exciting not knowing how this could all come to fruition. I joined a Group full of Angels called Reece's Rainbow and couldn't keep my nose out of the many beautiful blog posts, testaments that God will indeed move mountains, especially if it was him that called you. Families starting at zero and becoming fully funded before they even had travel approval. Others being short 10,000 dollars or more with travel dates already set...then raising the entire amount they needed in less than a day. This has been my greatest source of support and encouragement.

I started to believe that this could be me as well. That was such a great feeling. But it was a feeling I have quite frequently begged God to give me back because it disappears every other day especially now as I get closer to travel and am still so far away from being fully funded. So I cry in the shower. I cry and cry and release the stress I feel constantly now just below the surface. I try to stay present and more than anything I try so hard to have Faith instead of Hope.

I wonder what happens when it is time to get airline tickets and I don't have the money to buy them. Will I have to wait? To postpone going? I don't have a Plan B. I have heard of some people traveling without being fully funded but I imagine they must have some savings or someone who can help them out 'just in case'. I don't have that. It's just me. I don't even have family hat can help as most of mine live in the Czech Republic. Mine was the only family that escaped in 1969 and my dad died 16 years ago. I am new to this area spending the last 30 years in San Diego and I know only a couple of people here. I work at home so we don't get out much. Normally I can save a little every month but since I have started this adoption all the things that can happen to suck up that extra money have, including needing to purchase a new (to me) car. I hear this is actually the norm for many.
What if I go to China without all the money I need and I am there with 3 children and no money for all the fees, mandatory donations, hotels, food and travel? Will I have to stay there until I raise it?
It's terrifying to think.

I have paid 11,000 of my fees on my own and depleted my credit cards and all the money I was able to save the first few months of the process. I have had beautiful, generous people launch fundraisers for me one after another and so many people, many of whom I don't know have seen fit to Donate to help me bring my Daisy home. My family has given all they can. I have donated to others in the process because I know that "when you need, you give." I have applied for every Grant available to single moms and as of yet I have heard nothing back. This is not unusual as Grant Organizations like to wait until right before you travel to let you know if you received a grant but for me that is pure torture. I always remind myself that nothing is as bad a living alone in an orphanage without love of a Family so I always manage to pull through these times of paralyzing fear.
Today is one of those days that are hard. A day I have to find the ultimate Faith that God wants me to learn. I AM trying so hard, even though I crumple often.

I hope this post doesn't make anyone think I am not eternally GRATEFUL for all the help with Fundraising and also all the Donations I have already received. In fact I have noticed today that my FSP and Blog have more money in them than last week. I cannot ever express how GRATEFUL I am!!! My Blog does not reflect all that I need to raise though. It is the money I need while in China but not what it will cost to get us there and back.

I just had to let this out. Please understand and thank you so much for reading.
PLEASE Pray for my sanity and that I will not lose my Faith!!
I love you ALL!!!

She Panics

My little Love. She was born in China and spent 6 whole months with her biological mother. I have to think there was huge love there. Maybe even hope of keeping her forever. I don't know what happened but after 6 months she was left on the doorstep of an orphanage. Her first huge loss.
She is such a sensitive child. She felt that loss on a cellular level. She spent a full year at the orphanage where her little spirt started to slowly diminish.
She's a Leo child.
You can't ignore a Leo child.
You can't not love a Leo child.
I know because I have 3 Leo children and one on the way.

A child born under that sign is strong, yes. And extremely sensitive. A child born under this sign likes a lot of attention. They like to be noticed and they virtually glow when they are praised. She was so sad there in the orphanage where she received nothing that a child craves, especially a Leo child. It's evident in her pictures from there. She was failing to thrive and emotionally withdrawn. She didn't walk and she didn't talk. She was a lost child. A Lioness without a Pride.
So they diagnosed her with developmental delays. Except they used the R word. Then they moved her into a Foster Home. She was 1 1/2 years old. She may not have thrived in the orphanage but it was what she knew. It was familiar. This was her second huge loss.
At her Foster home she had a foster mother a foster father and a foster sister. She did better there and she became attached to her foster mother. She learned to walk when she was 2 1/2 after almost a year there. She started to babble.

Then I went to China to get her. To bring my Darling child home to her Family. To love her forever.
This was her third huge loss and she was older now and it really stung. In her mind she already had a mother. Finally. And now she was torn away again. She was so unhappy. She cried and cried and cried and screamed. My heart broke for my little girl and it didn't help that she didn't understand a word that I said. Except 'I Love You'. But it meant nothing to her in all her pain. She would have done anything to go back. Back to what she knew. What was familiar.
I took her away. I took her home. I loved her with everything I had and I told her every day that I would love her forever and I would never ever leave her. I told we we would always be together.
But what does the word 'forever' mean to a child this young? It's just a word.

Everything was going beautifully. She was bonding with me and with her brother and she was glowing. She was happy. She would frequently say she was 'kai shing'. She learned the English language and things became better still.
Then 4 months later we went to Hawaii for a wedding and family reunion. We rented a car. It wasn't our car. We rented a hotel. It wasn't our house. It was a hotel. Just like the one we stayed in in China when she experienced her third huge loss. There were new people that got into our car and if she lost sight of me even for a second she panicked. She totally freaked. She woke up every night with terrors and would cry and cry. I quickly realized my little girl thought she would be leaving her her mama yet again. No amount of talking would make her understand. I had to stay close. She was glued to my hip and as long as she was, she was fine. Just don't put her in her car seat and get out of the car for ANY reason. Instant Panic. The freaking out kind. The kind that stems from a memory on a cellular level. She was sure this would be another 'pass off'.

Then we flew back home and things got back to normal. A few months later we met a friend north of Seattle to go to the zoo. I was in the car with her and Ziggy when my friend got in as well. She Panicked. She was sure this was it. The relief when she realized that I wasn't leaving. Or did she even realize it? I don't know, but I didn't leave her side. Then we drove home without my friend and it was fine.

She has been home a full year ow and can speak fluent English. We went to the creek recently and met a mother with 2 kids. We played all day and then packed it up to go home. The other mother was parked next to us and opened up the back of her SUV to dry off her kids. Ziggy got in too just to sit. Zoie wanted to get in too. I put her in. Then I walked to our car to put our things away. And she Panicked. She had been so brave to get in and I had walked away. I felt horrible for her. I held her and told her that I would never ever leave her. Not ever. Then we went home and it was fine.

I think about China and going back for Daisy. It is obvious I cannot leave Zoie. No amount of saving money is worth that kind of anguish. She may very well never fully recover from the panic she would experience. It is not an option.
But then I think about when we are there. The memories that will flood her little brain and all the cells in her little tiny body. Will she think I'm trading her in? Will she think she will have to stay? Same sort of hotel. Same sort of van and driver. Same sort of experience, only for someone else. I Pray she doesn't experience that severe anxiety. I plan to glue her to my hip the entire time. It will help so much having her brother there who doesn't experience the same feelings as she does. He is a calming force for her. In many ways he is her rock.
We talk about China every day. We will travel in 2 short months. She talks about her sister Daisy and all the things she will help her learn and all the toys she will play with her. She is visibly excited but mostly I think she is mimicking Ziggy, who really gets it.

And then I think that this experience of going to China to bring her sister home, once it's over, will solidify in her on a cellular level, that I will never leave her and she is home for good.
Forever and ever. This is my Prayer.

Moving To Tears

I would love to say that there isn't much that moves me to tears and then then tell you how I have been moved but it simply wouldn't be true. I am moved to tears like every other hour. But lately, the last 6 months or so most of my tears are adoption related.
I cry when I look at my Ziggy and Zoie playing or arguing over who's turn it is because I know if they weren't home where they would be. And they are sooo happy at home. I cry when I think of how I had to meet Ziggy and then leave him for 4 months hoping he wouldn't hate me for it and how hard those 4 months were for me. They were so hard.
I cry when I think of how we waited for little bit Zoie for 8 1/2 years and how I really thought sometimes that the day would never come. I cry when I see she is finally home and she couldn't be anyone else's daughter.
I cry when I think of my sweet Daisy and how alone she is and how she has no idea how much her life will change soon. I cry when I think of how excited we all are to hold her and love her and tell her that she matters.
I cry when I fill out applications for grants because I am yet again picked apart spread out on a sheet for everyone to see. Every application is like applying for an adoption all over again. And I cry because it is so hard for me to ask for help. I cry because I'm so grateful for it. I cry because I would rather be the one donating to someone else's adoption. So I do because when you want you give. I cry because I have to do so many things on the computer and I find it all so confusing.
I cry because sometimes I feel defeated and so far away from China and my Heart.
I cry every time I get a donation or someone orders from my fundraisers.
I cry when someone in my adoption group has found their child or is getting ready to travel. I cry because I know how that feels. Tears is the only place to move. It is overwhelming. It is love.
I cry when someone is trying so hard to raise money and it happens right before my eyes. I cry because I feel the depth of that. It's not about the 5 or 10 dollars because we all have 5 or 10 dollars. No. It's about that thing there are no words for. Like a Faith of knowing that we alone can make an impact but we in numbers can make a huge difference. It's that thing of just doing it without the story that you'll be the only one so it won't make any difference. Without thinking.
I cried yesterday. Big surprise there!
I cried because a beautiful girl named LeeAnna that I have met through facebook who studied in Ghana with my daughter Rosie years ago posted our adoption story on her facebook and it was so genuine and so warm the things that she said. I cried again 4 hours later when we saw I had received almost 500 dollars in donations and I cried again this morning when I saw the number was past 1000 dollars! Just because she decided to shout out for us. I am so humbled and so grateful!
It makes me speechless to be on the receiving end of this love. To winess this miracle of a village.
Thank you for posting! Thank you for sharing! Thank you for donating!
It moves me to tears.

Please know how Grateful we are for all the love and support we have received!
This is such an awesome adventure and it is so great to share it with you all!!

UPDATE!!!

I have received my LSC (Letter Seeking Confirmation)!!!!
Here I thought I was waiting for my LOA (Letter Of Arrival)!
My third adoption and I know nothing!
This is GREAT news because now I know I can travel in 2-3 months for sure! It came much faster than it has for others lately. Same with my USCIS approval, getting me on the timeline I begged God for so I could bring Daisy home before our Family Reunion! I am Over The Moon!!! Now Please Pray for us to receive the remaining Funds that we need!  We have a ways to go.
We will get there I know it!!! heart emoticon
Thank you to ALL my friends and also all the people I don't know that saw fit to contribute to this beautiful adventure. I honestly cannot do this without my village and I am forever Grateful!!

Usborne Fundraiser!

Let's support the Pelc Family Adoption! 

Join me on Tuesday, April 26, at 8:00 PM (PST) for a fast, fun, and interactive LIVE Usborne Books & More party, on Facebook.

Kami Janes will be your consultant leading the party, sharing Usborne's award-winning books with you, answering your questions, and helping with personalized recommendations for your bookworms, too!

Every guest who joins this party before Sunday morning, April 24, will be entered to win a giveaway prize of reimbursed shipping costs from their book order! Additionally, there will be a free book giveaway at the end of our party, with entries earned by commenting on event posts. By the way, it will be so easy to earn giveaway entries because these books are hard NOT to talk about!

I'm looking forward to "seeing" you at the party where 25% of all party sales will be added to the Pelc Family Sponsorship Page grant. If you'd like to check out the online shop before the event, check it out here:

https://y4776.myubam.com/274471

(If the link doesn't work, please cut and paste it into your URL.)

If books aren't your thing, but supporting adoption is, please consider making a tax-deductible donation to the Pelc Family Sponsorship Page through Reece's Rainbow: http://reecesrainbow.org/102812/sponsorpelc

The giveaway contests begin today, April 20 and go through party closing on Monday, April 30, at 11:59 PM (MST).

Daisy's 1st Party

Be sure to visit Daisy's 1st Pampered Chef Party!

This is a pampered chef fundraiser for Daisy!

https://pamperedchef.com/go/Daisys1stparty

Facebook Event: 

https://www.facebook.com/events/756300377838969/